The Terrible Triple Feature
horror-movie-confessions:

“There should be a horror movie made where you sympathize with the killer. Not because they’re defending themselves, but offering back story to where you like and relate to them and don’t want them to get caught.”

horror-movie-confessions:

There should be a horror movie made where you sympathize with the killer. Not because they’re defending themselves, but offering back story to where you like and relate to them and don’t want them to get caught.”

100 Greatest Horror Movie Quotes

edited by Harry Hanrahan

Philip Glass - Candyman

Christina Aguilera - Candyman

what?

Shit’s catchy, man.

satanicpandemonium:

so fucking cute

satanicpandemonium:

so fucking cute

C++Murder!

Walking home last week, I started thinking about the Halloween series of movies and how the reasons Michael Myers kills people expand in the sequels to keep the body counts high.  Being a tremendous dork, it occurred to me that slasher-type horror films seem to employ “If/Then” statements to determine if someone will die.  And having time on my hands, I give you horror movies expressed in C:

main()

{

char  l, k;

int i;

printf(“Where is the Victim?”);

scanf(“%s”, &l);

if (l = “Ohio”);

            char k = “Freddy Krueger”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i = 1 );

cout« k “kills you because your parents lived on Elm St. and murdered

him”;

 

if ( i = 2 );

cout« k “possesses you and kills everyone at your party”;

 

if ( i = 3 );

cout« k “kills you because you simply live on Elm St.”;

 

if ( i = 4 );

cout« k “kills you because you simply live on Elm St. and/or you know

Alice Johnson”;

 

if ( i = 5 );

cout« k “kills you because you know Alice Johnson and to feed his

future vessel fetus”;

 

if ( i = 6, 8 );

cout« k “kills you because all logic has been thrown out the window”;

 

if ( i = 7 );

cout« k “kills you because you had the misfortune of meeting someone

that starred in a movie about him”

 

 

if(l = “Crystal Lake”);

            char k = “Jason Voorhees”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i = 2 );

cout« k “kills you because work at a camp on Crystal Lake”;

 

if ( 2 < i < 11 );

cout« k “kills you because you are alive”;

 

if(l = “Haddonfield”);

            char k = “Michael Myers

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i = 1 );

cout« k “kills you because you babysit or are friends with a babysitter or

are standing in the way of his killing babysitters”;

 

if ( i = 2 );

cout« k “kills you because you are his sister or are standing in the way of

his killing his sisters”;

 

if ( 3 <i < 6 );

cout« k “kills you because you are related to him or are standing in the

way of his killing his relatives”;

 

if ( i = 6 );

cout« k “kills you because a ridiculous cult has been pulling his strings

since the 70s for their own evil purposes”;

 

if ( i ≥ 7 );

cout« k “kills you because all logic has been thrown out the window”;

 

 

if(l = “Fairvale”);

            char k = “Mother

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if (i ≥ 1 );

cout« k “kills you because Norman Bates found you attractive”;

 

 

if (l = “Texas”);

            char k = “Leatherface

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i ≥ 1 );

cout« k “kills you because you were foolish enough to wander near a

backroad in Texas”;

 

 

if(l = “Michigan”);

            char k = “Kandarian Demons”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if (i ≤ 2 );

cout« k “will possess your friends (or the nearest tree), torture you and

try to murder you until the sunrise”;

 

if (i ≥ 3 );

cout« k “will send an army of the possessed dead to kill you and all of

your friends because you just couldn’t remember those words”;

 

 

if(l = “New York”);

            char k = “Cenobites”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if (i ≤ 2 );

cout« k “exquisitely torture you because you are evil and/or opened the

box”;

 

if (3 ≤ i ≤ 7 );

cout« k “exquisitely torture you because you were in the vicinity of the

box when some idiot opened it”;

 

if (i = 8 );

cout« k “will skulk around a rave party murdering teens like a normal

slasher because all logic has been thrown out the window”;

 

if(l = “Bad Part of Chicago”);

            char k = “Chucky”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i ≤ 2 );

cout« k “kills you because you are Andy Barclay or are standing in the

way of his getting to Andy Barclay”;

 

if ( i = 3 );

cout« k “kills you because you are Ronald Tyler or are standing in the

way of his getting to Ronald Tyler”;

 

if ( i > 3 );

cout« k “kills you because all logic has been thrown out the window”;

 

if(l = “Worse Part of Chicago”);

            char k = “Candyman”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if ( i ≥ 1 );

cout« k “kills you because you just had to say his name five times,

didn’t you?”;

 

 

if(l = “Near a Mortuary”);

            char k = “The Tall Man”;

printf(“How many times has this happened?”);

scanf(“%s”, &i);

if (i ≤ 2 );

cout« k “will kill you with a flying silver sphere because you were

snooping around the local graveyard and interfering with his plan”;

 

if (i = 3 );

cout« k “will kill you with a flying silver sphere because you were

snooping around the local graveyard and interfering with his plan unless

you have really been an alien with a gold sphere in your head all this

time”;

 

if (i =4 );

 

cout« k “will … I’m sorry, what’s going on?”;           

 

return 0;

}

 

Between the photography and the exceptional Philip Glass music, the opening credits to Candyman are incredible.